He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
