i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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