I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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