i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
