life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
