My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize