Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm jealous of your bromance
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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