Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
