Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
