Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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