Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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