He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
