I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
