Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
