Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
