He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
