Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
