You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
