So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
