Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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