im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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