I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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