she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
