i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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