Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
