Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
