i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
