you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
