I am puke
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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