i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
