Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
