I hate all girls vehemently.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
