so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
