Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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