I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
