im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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