take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
