i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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