I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
