The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
