after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
