If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
