If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
