the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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