i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
