his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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