thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
