I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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