Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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