thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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