Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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