Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize