My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
