All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
