drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
