Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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