hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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