last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
