Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
