Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
